July 24, 2025 1:26 pm

Hoosiers Only: A Sci-Fi Rambling

By Brett & Tay 

Baylor Enterprises, LLP

In the year AD 13,000 there lived a near perfect human being. She was part of the top secret government operation Hoosier, and was virtually flawless in all aspects. However, the scientists who engineered her made a fatal mistake. The test subject had difficulty staying out of the bathroom for more than 5 minutes at a time. This has drastic implications for water conservation. Indiana is a dry state (pun intended) and Taylor used all of the water. However, she met her therapist/lawyer/guru/badass and he was able to impart his wisdom onto her.

She made impressive gains, even being able to stay out of the bathroom for a full hour. 

His only fatal flaw was that he was from New York State.

However, she was still not perfect hence Brett teamed up with the scientists from Operation Hoosier to mix Taylor’s near perfect DNA with Brett’s perfect bladder.

There was only one issue: Brett desperately needed to become a Hoosier.

The resulting “creature” exhibited Taylor’s beauty, intelligence, kindness, and honesty, but was also endowed with Brett’s magnificent penchant for staying out of the bathroom for days at a time.

The scientists were very impressed, and decided that all future humans should be cloned using the hybrid Brett/Taylor DNA. They specified that the cloning could only take place in Indiana because only Hoosiers can survive and procreate.

The Operation Hoosier scientists decided to come up with a better name for the creature creating business inspired by the ingenious partners Brett and Taylor. They called it Baylor Enterprises, LLP, so they could always remember their founders, BTA & TC. The first creature/creation was named Baylor Abraham Abrahamsen. The following creations were just numbers but were told to repopulate the earth with the perfect genetics. 

There eventually were an infinite number of Baylor Enterprises clones and eventually the weak people with either Brett’s ugly (Brett is bias to this statement, but Taylor does not agree with this) or Taylor’s weak bladder were weeded out by Darwinian principles.